


My Angel

by itreads



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Love Simon, Alternate Universe - Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Angst, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-19 09:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itreads/pseuds/itreads
Summary: Will Solace (code name: Sunshine) is gay, but no one knows except this mysterious, faceless guy he's been emailing ever since a post came up on their high school's tumblr.Until Drew Tanaka finds said emails and turns Will's life upside down.And yeah, Will is kind of maybe terrified.





	1. He

**Author's Note:**

> So guess who just watched Love, Simon!!!! That's right! Me! After religiously following the book for three years I am now going to religiously follow this wonderful movie adaptation to my grave!!!!! It's so good and so gay and so so cringey and I love it so much!!!
> 
> Also just a little small note in this Austin and Kayla are Will's friends but Lee and Michael are still his older brothers. I realise this might be a little confusing but I don't care.

_halfbloodsecrets.tumblr.com_

_Posted by_ angelblades@gmail.com

 

_**He – A Poem About Coming Out** _

_Multicoloured houses stand in neat rows,_

_But he can’t see their vast rooms through their tiny windows_

_As he is tossed about on_

_The vicious waves between them._

_He feels exposed in his own shaded greenhouse –_

_Everyone knows what should be inside,_

_But no one can see it,_

_And no one can feel the torment he faces_

_As the blue waves batter against his delicate garden._

_He looks out over the stormy ocean, but he can no longer see the colourful homes,_

_So he waits_

_For as long as it takes_

_Until he finds a shore worth swimming to._

_\- Angel_

 

Will leans back in his chair, running his hands through his hair.

His first thought is: _wow_.

His second thought is: _I'm not alone_.

Then every thought after that gets a little bit muddled in his head, ideas and memories coming thick and fast. He hears one recurring question, though:

_Who is he?_

It's probably unfair of him to try and guess who _He_ is about or by, because whoever it is clearly isn't out to anyone yet, but at the same time...

The name given doesn't give any clues. _Angel_? Maybe Jason Grace, who is the dictionary definition of physically perfect and looks a lot like an angel. Or maybe Mitchell, who played an angel in Half Blood's most recent drama production. But Mitchell's already out to the entire world, nearly, and Will is 90% sure Jason Grace is dating Piper.

_I guess he could be bisexual_ , Will thinks. But poetry isn't really Jason's style.

He reads the poem again, looking for any other clues he could have missed. But no. Even the email doesn't have any hidden suggestions.

Wait-

Email!

Will clicks on the email link before he can really think about what he's doing, ready to type a response.

But he hits a barrier. His personal email comes up - williamsolace@gmail.com - and he suddenly has a bad feeling in his gut.

Because Will, like Angel, isn't out to anyone yet.

And although the internet is faceless, although Angel seems like a nice guy...

He's not ready. As Will Solace, he's not ready to be out.

So he clicks off the link, leaning back in his chair again, and drums his fingers on the desk.

He could make an anonymous email, like Angel. Would that be chickening out? Somehow, it feels like it would be, even though it doesn't feel the same with Angel.

He gets up and paces around his room.

Then he sits back at his desk.

Then he gets up again and bangs his head against the wall. Usually, this doesn't help in the slightest. He's not really sure why he thought it would help now.

" _Oi!_ " Michael yells from the next room, banging back with his fist.

Will sits down again, grinning.

He really loves his brothers - he's always been a family guy, even when his mom left. He thinks that probably cemented his love for them even more.

But recently there's been a wall between them. Will knows exactly what kind of bricks it's built from, but no one else does. It's kind of driving them apart.

Will feels bad about it. But he isn't able to knock the wall down.

He decides there are worse things in life than an anonymous email and creates a new account.

actualsunshine@gmail.com is probably a little too gay, even for him, but it's the only thing he could think of that isn't glaringly obviously Will Solace.

(It's actually very much not obvious, except to those who know that his father is called Apollo. So, just Austin and Kayla. He really hopes Angel is not Austin (or Kayla, for that matter)).

Austin, Will's best friend of thirteen years, is probably the most attractive out of everyone in their friendship group (Austin, Kayla, Will, and also Lou Ellen and Cecil, as of this year). But Will knows for a fact that Austin is crushing desperately on Lou Ellen, and he has a policy of not falling for guys he knows are straight.

Also, he thinks, falling for your best friend is a little bit weird.

He turns back to his screen, and types:

_Dear Angel,_

Then he deletes it and restarts with:

_To Angel,_

because _Dear_ is maybe probably too formal.

_To Angel,_

_I am just like you. I have awesome friends and an awesome family, and we do friend things and family things and basically love each other very much._

_But I have a secret. And I'm slowly drifting away from them. Like you._

_Your post on the Tumblr pretty much sums up how I feel about it - about my secret. I guess it must be similar for all of us?_

_I hope this isn't too weird, me emailing you, but your poem made me feel like I wasn't alone with all of this. I've never felt that way before._

_It would be great to have someone to talk to._

_\- Sunshine_

He hits send before he can think twice about what he's doing. But he doesn't close the window, instead staring at the screen, at his already-sent response, not entirely sure what he's searching for.

A reply? But it's unrealistic to expect Angel to have his email open right now.

Still, Will sits there, head resting on his folded arms, staring at his laptop for - well, it's a long time. He doesn't realise how long it's been until his father knocks on his bedroom door.

"Will?" he says softly, before coming in.

Will jerks his head up, slamming his laptop shut.

Apollo smiles. "Looking at something you shouldn't be?"

Will huffs, something that's probably meant to be a laugh.

"We're all the same, us guys," his father grins. "Especially at your age."

Will huffs again. He thinks he's blushing, probably. "It's not like that, Dad."

Apollo winks as he turns to leave the room. "Dinner's nearly ready. Come down once you're-" he glances at the closed laptop "-finished." Then he winks again and leaves.

Will waits until the door's completely shut, then flops onto his desk, his head in his arms, groaning.

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing Will does in the morning is check his emails.

Still no reply.

He's not really sure what he was expecting - an immediate response? It's likely Angel hasn't checked his emails in the last day. It's not like people use them regularly nowadays anyway.

Still. Will's buzzing as he gets ready for school, unable to get comfortable.

"Something wrong?" Apollo asks as they sit down for breakfast (Lee's turn this morning, so they're eating cereal).

Will's legs are jittering under the table. He shrugs noncommittally, keeping his gaze on his bowl.

"Come on, honey. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." Will's voice is kind of high pitched and quiet.

"School? Track?" Apollo gasps dramatically. "A girl?"

Will says, "No, Dad - it's not that." He wonders what his dad would say if he told the truth.

_"No, Dad, it's not a girl. It's actually a_ boy _that I haven't met yet. In fact, we haven't even talked. By the way, did I mention that I'm gay?"_

How do people even start this?

Standing up, he says, "I'm going to be late," and leaves the table, his cereal only half eaten.

The bike ride to school helps, but only a little. It's nice to feel the breeze on his face.

Morning classes are hell. He checks his phone before lessons start, in passing period between chemistry and English, and - once - during Latin.

"Can anyone tell me when the first Punic War began?" Chiron drones. Usually, his lessons are interesting.

Will's hand shoots up.

"Will?" Chiron says.

"Sir - can I go to the toilet, please?"

Chiron sighs. Will hears a few sniggers from the back of the class - probably Clarisse and her crew.

"Just- just go," Chiron says.

So Will goes. He has to stop himself from running to the bathrooms - the halls are empty, but someone might see him through an open door.

He can't close the stall door quick enough. He tears his phone from his back pocket, pulling up gmail-

Still no reply.

Will is starting to give up hope, just a little bit.

On top of this, he can't stop himself from checking every guy in the school to see if they might be Angel.

He mentions it at lunch.

"Hey guys, did anyone see that poem posted on the Tumblr last night?"

It's not really suspicious, he thinks, because everyone checks the Tumblr daily.

"Oh yeah," Lou Ellen says. "The one by the gay kid?"

Will nods.

"Who do you think wrote it?" Kayla says. Will knew she would have seen it - she follows the Tumblr religiously. That's not an exaggeration.

"Definitely Mitchell," Cecil says. "Poetry is such a gay thing. Had to be him."

Will bristles at that, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. "But Mitchell is already out. Why would he post it?"

"Are you saying gay people only have to come out once?" Lou Ellen says, and Will curses himself silently because she has a point.

"So you think it's Mitchell?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I'm hardly the school's biggest gaydar."

" _That_ would be Mitchell," Cecil says, and everyone else at the table laughs.

Will's not really sure why he brought it up.

He somehow manages to survive the rest of the day, even though it's nearly torture.

Home comes at long last. He races up to his room and flops onto his chair without saying hi to his dad or his brothers.

His laptop takes too long to load. As usual, but worse.

He's almost afraid to pull up gmail. What if there's no reply? He's been waiting all day - longer - for this.

But he opens the window.

No reply.

Will honestly wants to cry. He lets his head fall against the desk, a pencil pot falling over as he crashes.

Sitting up, he takes his phone out of his bag and checks his emails there, as if he'll find something different.

He doesn't.

He knows he's kind of letting this Angel thing take over his life. He needs to stop.

Stop. Breathe. Take out some homework.

Latin first. But he can't concentrate. Homework just makes him think of school, which makes him think about all the guys he knows who may or may not be Angel.

There's a knock on his door.

"Will? Can I come in?"

The thing about Apollo is that he doesn't wait for an answer. Ever.

"I was wondering if we could talk, Will."

What kind of conversation opener is that?

Will doesn't look up. "Okay."

"No- I mean, _talk_ talk."

"About..." Will prompts, even though he thinks he knows exactly what it's about. He wants to hear it from his dad first.

Apollo lifts his hands up as he sits heavily on Will's bed. "Life," he says. "You."

Will turns round in his chair so he's sitting on it backwards. "What about me?" He knows he's being awkward. He also knows that he's too preoccupied to talk to his dad at the moment.

"Where have you been?" Apollo starts. "You've been so far away. What's going on?"

Maybe one of the reasons Will's mom left is because Apollo is such a mom himself. Will doesn't mind - usually.

He's just about to make up some answer about school when a faint _ding_ comes from his open laptop behind him.

His laptop where his emails are pulled up.

Apollo looks confused, but Will doesn't see as he spins back round and flings himself at his laptop.

_New Emails (1)_ , his laptop tells him. _From angelblades@gmail.com_.

Will wants to laugh and cry and run around his room and sing.

"Who's that?" Apollo asks.

And scream. Did he mention screaming?

"Uh, just someone," he says, but he doesn't really register himself speaking as he opens the email.

"Who?"

"Not now, Dad." The email is addressed to _Sunshine_.

"Then when?" Apollo says. Will hears him stand up. "Tomorrow? Next week? Will, we haven't talked in months. I want to know why you're so distant."

Will's not really listening. "Huh?" he says as he tries to concentrate on the email in front of him, but it's too hard to focus with his dad standing behind him.

"Will, honey, please listen to me."

There's something in his voice that makes Will turn his head. Apollo is standing behind him - not so close that he can see the emails, but closer than he was before.

"Sorry, Dad. I'm busy. Can we do this some other time?"

Apollo looks at the laptop screen, then at the homework left open on Will's desk. Then, he sighs and says, "Fine. Fine. But we have to talk at some point, okay?"

Will does his best to smile, and says, "Okay."

Apollo takes his time leaving. He pauses at the door, turning his head and opening his mouth as if to says something. Will waits for him, but he turns back and closes the door behind him, saying nothing.

Will takes a deep breath before turning back to his laptop and pulling up the email.

_To Sunshine,_

_If I'm being honest, I wasn't sure if I was going to reply to this. I wasn't expecting anyone to respond to my poem. Not like this._ _I think I'm glad you did, though. You're right - it will be nice to have someone to talk to about everything._

_And I'm intrigued - what is this awesome family of yours like? I have two sisters who I love more than anything in the world, but it sounds like you have a really good relationship with your parents as well._

_Tell me more, Sunshine._

_\- Angel_

Will leans back in his chair, sniffing. He thinks he has tears in his eyes, not because what Angel wrote was sad or even particularly moving, but because somehow, Will feels more like him than he ever has with anyone else.

No, not somehow. Because Angel _is_ like Will. They're going through the same things. Have been through the same things.

Like the same things. The same people.

Will has never found someone like him before.

And he thinks this might be the start. Of what, he doesn't know.

But it's a start. And it's going somewhere.

 

* * *

 

 

**Three Weeks Later**

 

_To Sunshine_

_No, no I totally get it. Double stuff oreos are just too sweet - who thought they would be a good idea? Although, I'm going to have to disagree with you that the peanut butter ones are best. They're somewhere near the top of my list, but cool mint will come first forever and always for me._

_And about weird family Halloween traditions, we don't really have any. We used to go trick or treating when we were younger, and my dad would have the best costume in the village every time. I kind of miss it. I think it's very unfair that trick or treating is for children. What if I want sweets too? Why is it suddenly called 'stealing' as soon as we reach the age of ten?_

_My sister's home from uni for a few days next weekend, so we'll probably do something together. She always loves dressing the house up for the kids who come round, but we never seem to get many. A side effect of living on the outskirts._

_On a different note, I don't think I'm ready to show you any of my poetry yet, sorry. I rarely show my stuff to anyone because it's not very good, most of the time. Someday, though. Someday I hope I'll be able to show you all of my poems. Especially the ones about you._

_Love, Angel_

Will thinks he's a little bit in love.

Scratch that. Will's falling hard. Something he didn't think would happen for a long time.

It's honestly the best feeling in the world.

This one was sent last night, but he's reading it again on a library computer as a way of procrastinating in his free period. There's another from this morning, which has already been read a few hundred times.

He thinks that these emails might be taking over his life a little bit. He's obsessed. It's probably not healthy, grinning to himself this much.

But he's not going to stop. He's never been so happy.

His phone buzzes beside him. Kayla, calling.

"Hello?" He picks up on the second ring.

"Solace, where are you?"

He pulls the phone away from his ear to check the time. Crap, lunch started fifteen minutes ago.

"Sorry, honey, I'll be there in five."

He hangs up and hurriedly logs out of the computer, shoving his untouched Latin work in his bag.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey Will."

Will cringes internally. "Hi Drew."

"Hey. Hi," she says when he doesn't turn around or stop walking towards the changing rooms. "Will-" she grabs onto his arm, pulling him to a stop.

He turns around reluctantly, shaking free of her manicured grip. "What?"

"I was just wondering if we could talk," she says. "It's been so long."

Will shrugs.

Drew starts walking, leaving no option but for him to follow. But she doesn't head towards the changing rooms - instead, she leads him to the small area behind the tennis courts.

"What do you want, Drew?" he asks. He hopes this isn't another attempt of hers to ask him out; they dated once in middle school and she hasn't got over when he ditched her halfway through prom.

She shrugs and stares up at him through her thick lashes. "We haven't spoken in ages."

_Yeah, and there's a reason for that_. "What is this about?"

She drops her act, realising it's getting her nowhere. "I used the library computers today."

Will frowns, turning away. "Stop wasting my time."

But she keeps talking. "I opened gmail and your account came up. You obviously forgot to log out."

At first, he doesn't understand what she's saying.

"And I couldn't help but see a few of your emails," she continues. "Read them."

And suddenly, Will works out what she means. He whips round, his fingers twitching.

"You read my fucking emails." It's not a question; he already knows the answer.

"Don't worry, I won't show anyone," she says. "Your secret's safe with me."

Will wants to sigh in relief, but something about what she said doesn't quite fit right. And then it clicks: "Show anyone? Did you screenshot them or something?"

She shrugs. Her red lipstick looks like blood on her lips. There's a smudge on her front tooth as she smiles, saying, "What, don't you trust me?"

"No, not really," Will says. His voice is quiet. He's somehow in a calm rage. "Especially not now that you screenshotted my fucking private emails."

She says, "I think we're in a position where we could help each other here. You're clearly not out yet - I could help you with that."

"I don't want your help, Drew. Stay the fuck out of my way."

"Fine, fine, if that's what you want." But she's still smiling. "I'll stay out of your way. But you can still help me out. You're good friends with Austin, right?"

Will can see where this is going. "You want me to set you up."

"That's not what I said. You could help me along, though. Just let me in to your circle. I can work my magic once I'm in range."

_Of course you can_. "And what if I don't want to help you?"

Her face goes serious for a moment. "I mean, I do have the screenshots."

Will blanches. He feels sick in his stomach. "Are you blackmailing me?"

She shakes her head, still serious. "I just think we're in a good position here, Will. You help me, and I help you."

"Yeah, you're being real helpful here, Drew." Will's voice drips with sarcasm, but she ignores it.

"Great! So we're in agreement?"

Will wants to throw up. Preferably on Drew's lacy white top. But what can he say? What can he do?

So he says, "I'll let you tag along. And you'll delete the screenshots."

She smiles, so sweet and so deadly. "Of course." Then she slaps him lightly on the shoulder. "So, who's Angel?"

"No one. He lives back home."

Texas is a long way from New York. Will thinks it's probably the safest distance he can make up, because he's not telling her Angel goes to Half Blood.

"Aww," she says, skipping beside him. "Long distance relationships are so cute."

Will runs the rest of the way back to the changing rooms, thanking the gods that boys and girls are split.


	2. Love, Part One - Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Keiynan Lonsdale is my hero

_To Angel,_

_I guess I have already thought about it, now you mention it. But not seriously. I mean, it's a terrifying thing to deal with. I'm not sure I'm ready._

_I think my dad would accept me, and I know my friends would, so I'm not really sure what the problem is. I guess it's been the way it is for so long, I don't want to ruin it by coming out._

_Or maybe I'm just being a coward. I don't know - it feels like I'm lying to them all the time. It's kind of sickening._

_I guess it might be easier after the first time? We just have to get over that first hurdle._

_But I'm not planning on doing it any time soon. I can deal with things being the way they are for just a little bit longer._

_What about you? Are you planning to tell anyone soon? Or does someone already know?_

_Love, Sunshine_

 

Will thinks that this is probably the worst position he's ever been put in. Not because someone is threatening to out him to the entire world with screenshots of emails to a guy he doesn't even know the name of, but because he can't tell this nameless guy about any of it.

And that kind of sucks, because over the past three weeks, Will has told him everything.

And yeah, maybe he should have known that he couldn't unload all of his secrets onto one person and hope everything would go smoothly, but he didn't think because he didn't need to think at all when talking to Angel. And he thinks that's the reason everything has gone the way it has.

Will knows that whatever he tells Angel, this whole fuck up must remain secret, because Angel is the sort of person who would freak out (a lot) if he knew he might be outed to the school. And by freak out, he means stop talking to Will.

It may be selfish, but Will needs him right now.

Maybe it would be better if Will could talk to someone else, but for obvious reasons, he can't do that either. So he's stuck in this uncomfortable lie (again) which probably makes his look a little bit constipated whenever he thinks about it.

He tries not to. He really does.

"Hey Will."

But there's that. There's _her_. And she's not going anywhere.

"That's Kayla's seat," he tells her, gesturing to the seat she just sat in, but she must know already because it's next to the seat Austin sits in every lunch.

"I didn't realise the seats were assigned-" (really, Drew?) "-and anyway, I thought we could talk a little before the others arrive."

"They'll be here any minute," he says, even though he's not sure how long they'll be.

"Which means we'll have to talk fast."

He shifts in his seat, picking at his sandwich. He looks just as uncomfortable as he feels, probably, because she says, "Don't worry, I'll move when they get here."

He shrugs and tries to sit straighter.

"So," she says, batting her eyelashes at him even though she knows it won't work. "There's a Halloween party next weekend. At Cecil's."

He shrugs. "So?" Technically, it is at Cecil's, but it's his foster brothers Travis and Connor who are throwing it. Their parties are the best, because they always go way too over the top with the decorations.

"Well? Are you going to invite me?"

This kind of shocks him, a little. "What?"

"Well, you're obviously going because Cecil is your friend."

Oh. "Right. And Austin is also obviously going because he's also Cecil's friend."

She smiles. "You got me. It would be a great way for us to-" she clicks her fingers, searching for the word "- _bond_."

Personally, Will would have gone with _hang out_ or maybe _get the fuck out of my face_.

"Fine," he says. "You're invited. Now go the fuck away."

She gets up, but she doesn't go far. She moves two seats down, to the only free seat at the table, opposite Cecil's seat. Will stares at her, and she smiles back.

Two minutes. He has to endure two full minutes of avoiding and ignoring her stare, before the others arrive.

Kayla first. She sets her tray down loudly in front of Will, who jumps at the noise.

"Will," she says, nodding. Then she sits down, deliberately not looking in Drew's direction.

Will can hear her teeth grinding from three seats away.

The others arrive, setting their trays down but not sitting. Will looks up.

"Drew is going to be _hanging out_ with us," he says, and his voice could not sound less excited, "for a few days." He looks at her pointedly at that, making sure she knows she's not welcome for more than that. She smiles sweetly. Will feels sick.

Cecil shrugs and sits down. He doesn't quite know the extent to which he's meant to hate Drew, because he only started Half Blood this year and he never asked. Lou Ellen knows more, but not as much as Kayla and Austin, who were there at prom the night he ran away from her.

They sit down, too, but slowly and looking very confused.

Kayla kicks Will under the table. He looks up and she mouths, " _What?!_ "

He shrugs. Everyone else is silent.

Lou Ellen leans closer. "Will, babe," she whispers loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. "Whatever you're going through, getting back with Drew is not the right way to go."

Will can feel Drew's death glares, even though he's avoiding her eyes. He's not sure if they're aimed at him or Lou Ellen.

Austin looks very uncomfortable, sitting wedged between Kayla and Drew. They both have an ego big enough to fill two seats, and they're both directing it straight at him.

Will feels sorry for him. And also very guilty.

Because of that one factor he forgot. The one where Kayla is a little bit in love with Austin.

She's never said anything because she's Kayla and that's what she does, but it's kind of obvious when you know what to look for. Where Will swore off his best friend, Kayla did not.

And now Will has set her up to get her heart broken.

"I'm sorry," he says, pushing his chair out and wringing his hands in front of him. "I've got to go."

He half runs out of the cafeteria, but he doesn't get far because he doesn't actually know where he's going or what he's doing. He can't check his emails, which is usually what he does to calm down, because they would just remind him of how he fucked up. He can't go back, because there are too many people who he's letting down sitting at the table.

So he kind of half-walks dejectedly in some unknown direction. Air. Fresh air is good. He goes outside.

And somehow, five minutes later, he finds himself sliding down the wall behind the school's theatre. It's cool and shaded, and he's alone.

"What the _fuck_."

Or maybe not.

Will looks over at the person sitting next to him. The person who he would have sat on, had they not scooted out of the way.

"Do I know you?"

 _Yeah_ , Will thinks. He recognises the guy from one of his classes.

"I'm Will," he says. "Will Solace."

"Will Solace from Latin?"

 _Ohh, right_ , Will thinks as he realises where he knows him. "You're Nico, right?" Cute Nico who sits at the back of the Latin class scribbling in his notebook and not paying attention, but somehow always has the right answer when called on.

Nico nods, once, and looks at Will with a funny expression. Will get's the feeling Nico's waiting for something, but he's not sure what.

"What are you doing here?" Nico asks finally.

Oh. "I could ask you the same."

"This is kind of my spot. I'm going over the script one last time for Madame Flo."

"You're in the drama club?" Madame Flo, somehow shortened from Madame Aphrodite, is the theatre teacher at school. Will would not have put Nico down as a drama student.

"Not really," he says. "I'm assistant writer and director."

 _So he writes_ , Will thinks. That's probably what he's scribbling in his notebook all the time.

"Awesome," Will says.

"You still haven't answered my question," Nico says, prompting.

"Oh. Right." Will swallows, a lump in his throat. "I kind of... ran away from my friends? Which I shouldn't have done, really, because I made a stupid mistake. And now they're going to have to pay."

Nico also swallows, blinking. He probably wasn't expecting that, and Will curses himself for unloading on someone he barely knows.

Nico says, "Um. I'm not really sure what to say to that."

So Will says, "Nothing?" because he's not going to be able to answer any questions Nico asks.

Nico nods, then goes back to his notebook. Will watches him for a few seconds, before staring straight ahead of him, waiting for the bell to ring and signal the end of lunch.

 

* * *

 

 

Will is so not looking forward to this party, and not just because Drew is going.

Well. Mainly because Drew is going. But also because Angel said he's going, and Will is not sure how he feels about that.

Obviously Will won't know who Angel is, but it might narrow it down, which is daunting and a little bit terrifying.

There will be a lot of other people at the party, though, which makes it slightly better.

He hopes.

He's getting ready at his house with Lou Ellen, Austin and Kayla when the doorbell rings again.

"Who's that?" Austin says, but the others give him a look so Will knows they already know.

"You invited her?" Kayla says, unable to keep the disgust from her voice.

"Will, what is this?" Lou Ellen asks. "You're supposed to hate her."

"You _should_ hate her," Kayla adds with a frown.

Will ignores them, instead going to answer the door.

"Hey Will," Drew says, looking up at him. Her eyes are smudged black. Will thinks he can see at least three layers of fake lashes.

"Drew," he says.

"Hi guys," she says over his shoulder, waving manicured fingers. "I'm a vampire." Her hands run down to her hips.

"Wow, yeah. That's obscure." Kayla deadpans. She's kind of the queen of deadpannery.

Austin's eyes are transfixed to Drew's long, bare legs. Her miniskirt barely covers her ass.

She takes this as a good sign. "You look good, Austin." Her lips are infinitely bigger and bloodier than before.

She's going to eat him alive.

"I'm going to get the snacks," Will says. "Austin, come help me carry?" He tugs on his arm a little.

"What, because our girl arms aren't strong enough to carry a few cookies?" Kayla says, but she's joking.

Will and Austin hurry into the kitchen.

"Will, talk to me," Austin says. "We're bros, right? You can tell me anything."

Will faces the window. "Yeah." But it's clear he doesn't mean it.

"Just-" Austin starts, unsure how to continue. "Just tell me one thing." He pulls Will round, so they're facing each other. "Will, look at me." Will looks down.

Austin's eyes are kind of a bad idea. They're so dark they hold the universe, and it's almost impossible to look away.

"Tell me you're not back with Drew."

Will tears his eyes away. "I'm not."

Austin doesn't seem convinced, though. He opens his mouth, his eyes scrunching up at the corners like they do when he's confused.

Will says, "I'm not. I promise," with as much conviction as he can. He hopes it's enough.

Austin drops it, punching Will lightly on the arm. "Good, bro. Now where are these snacks?"

Will is really happy for the distraction.

 

* * *

 

 

Will sits on the sofa, squashed between two people he can't remember the names of, caged in by a cloud of smoke.

It's not his smoke, obviously. He's not even sure what type of smoke it is.

He really needs to pee.

He tries to get up, but his head stays on the sofa.

Maybe he's a little bit drunk.

He tries again. This time, he only leaves his stomach behind.

He really needs to pee.

Has he already said that? He can't remember.

"Solace!"

Someone's calling him. He keeps walking, towards a door. He hopes it's the bathroom.

"Solace!"

Suddenly, Lou Ellen is in front of him.

He grins. "It's Lou Ellen!" His arms go to her shoulders. "Why is it Lou Ellen? Can I call you Lou? Just Lou? It's much easier. Loopy-Lou."

He sways, he thinks. But it might have been the floor moving.

"Stupid," he says aloud. "Floors don't move."

"Jesus, Solace." Lou Ellen looks a little bit pissed. Pissed _off_ , not drunk.

Piss. Will really needs to piss.

But Lou Ellen is holding onto him, not letting him move. Not letting the floor swallow him.

"Thank you, Lou Ellen."

She says, "Solace, we're going. You're drunk." But he really needs to pee.

"I need to pee," he says.

She sighs and says, "Fine, pee first. Then we're going."

Will grins. "You're the best, Lou Ellen."

And then he twists out of her iron grip and falls up the stairs.

He makes it to the top, somehow. Mitchell is coming out of a room.

He has white wings on his back. They're a little wonky.

"Are you Angel?" Will says.

Mitchell frowns. "Yes?"

Will sighs. "But are you _my_ Angel?"

Mitchell frowns more. It makes him look funny. Angels shouldn't frown.

He takes hold of Will's wrist. "Are you looking for the bathroom?" he asks. "You look a little drunk. Here, let me-"

He puts his free hand on Will's back.

But Will can't stop looking at their nearly-touching hands.

"You're my Angel," he says softly.

"Um, sure," Mitchell says, and Will is maybe freaking out because it's _him_.

He tries to turn round, tries to talk, but they've reached the bathroom.

Mitchell lets go. Will tries not to follow his hands.

"If you need anything, call," Mitchell says.

Then he slams the door in Will's face.

"That was weird," Will says, but he's not sure why.

He manages to get out of the bathroom on his second try. Connor Stoll standing on the landing, closing a door behind him.

"Cool party," Will says, giving him a thumbs up. Then: "Sorry, that was dumb."

But Connor's not really listening. He's frowning (why is everyone frowning?) and he looks a little bit scared.

"I met my Angel," Will says, because there was a silence and Will couldn't really deal with it.

Connor stops frowning. "Sorry," he says. "I don't know who spiked the punch."

Will says, "I'm a little drunk."

And Connor says, "Yeah, no shit," before grabbing his arm and helping him down the stairs.

They find Lou Ellen quickly.

"He's drunk," Connor says, before handing him off. She catches him before his feet fall away.

"I know, Jesus," she says, grimacing at him. "We're going home. Come on, Will."

They make their way through swelling bodies. It's kind of suffocating.

Once they get outside, Will takes a few deep breaths.

"That feels good," he says.

"Yeah, it does." She's still grasping him like he's going to disappear.

"Guys!"

Someone is shouting at them from behind. Will hears a door slam.

"Don't-" Cecil gasps, catching his breath. "Don't leave without me."

Will forgot. Cecil is staying with him tonight.

"It is a mad house in there," Cecil says.

Will thinks so too, but there was also the good part: "I found my Angel."

Cecil looks at him, then at Lou Ellen.

"He's drunk," she says.

Cecil nods and then sighs, rolling his eyes.

They start walking. Will thinks he can stand on his own, but Lou Ellen won't let go of him.

"You're very protective, Lou Ellen," he says. "You're a good cookie."

Lou Ellen keeps walking.

Will stops suddenly. Lou Ellen nearly trips.

"Will?" she says. "Come on, buddy, we've got to get you home."

But Will won't move.

"I lied," he says.

Cecil and Lou Ellen look at him, confused.

So Will says, "I lied. I lied. I lied." He can't explain it any better than that.

Not without telling them his _secret_.

"My secret," he whispers.

And then they start walking again, but Cecil and Lou Ellen are tiptoeing, treading carefully. Will's repeating _I lied, I lied_ , with every step he takes. He's not sure if it's out loud or in his head.

His dad is asleep when they get home. Will knows this because all the lights are off.

They settle down for bed quickly. They have all done this before. Lou Ellen sets the beds up.

Will lays down, but his stomach is sloshing, unable to calm.

And the silence is back.

So he fills it.

"I'm lying," he says.

And then he bursts into tears.

 

* * *

 

 

Will sleeps for most of Sunday.

Lou Ellen and Cecil leave just after two in the afternoon, after they've made sure again and again that Will will be alright.

"Guys, I'll be fine," he says. "It's just a hangover."

But they still give him pitying looks.

Will knows he said some things he regrets last night. Lou Ellen said he cried a lot when they got home. But she didn't tell him why.

He might ask her about it tomorrow. When his head hurts a little less.

"Bye, guys," he says.

Then he goes up to his room and sleeps some more.

 

* * *

 

 

Connor approaches him at school on Monday.

"Recovered, Solace?" he says.

Will smiles and says, "Just about. I don't actually remember much."

Connor's face is kind of serious. "You don't?"

Will grimaces. "No, sorry. I heard it was a good party, though."

"I guess you were quite drunk. You kept talking about an angel, or something."

Will's heart kind of stops.

"Honestly," Connor continues, not noticing Will's discomfort. "Everyone was a bit confused."

Will breathes. Just slightly.

"Mitchell especially," Connor says, looking up at Will. His expression says he wants to see a reaction from Will, but Will's not giving out his secret.

So Connor continues, obviously glad with what he found in Will's reaction. "He was wearing angel wings. He thought you were talking about him."

Will's a little bit of an idiot.

No. Will is _a lot_ of an idiot.

"Well, I'll see you round, Solace," Connor says.

And then Will's alone, terrified that his drunk self said something wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

"Will, can we talk?"

Lou Ellen has pulled the car over. Cecil nods from the back seat, as if they've already talked about the conversation they're about to drag Will into.

"Is this about Saturday?" he says, even though he already knows it is.

Lou Ellen nods. "Yes and no. It's more about you."

Cecil says, "We don't have to. You don't- We're not forcing you to say anything here. That's not what this is about."

"Absolutely not," Lou Ellen says. "We just want you to know that you can tell us anything."

 _We're bros, right? You can tell me anything_. But somehow, talking to Cecil and Lou Ellen is easier than talking to Austin.

Will's feeling confident. Reckless.

"What did I say?" he asks, because he's also feeling scared.

Lou Ellen shoots Cecil a glance. "You just kind of repeated the same thing. For ages." She looks a little bit uncomfortable. "You said, 'I lied.'"

"Then, right at the end, before you started crying, it changed to 'I'm lying'," Cecil adds.

 _It's been eating me from the inside_ , Will thinks. _Tearing me apart_. But he can't say it out loud.

He's not ready.

"You don't have to," Lou Ellen says. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have brought it up. Sorry. Do you want me to start driving?"

She's rambling. Lou Ellen never rambles.

"No, no-" Will stutters, and he never stutters either. "Don't-" _Don't leave_ , he was about to say.

"We're not going anywhere, Will," Lou Ellen says, and she's not talking about the car. "No matter what."

Will takes off his seat belt, because he feels a bit like he's being strangled. His chest is tight.

"I can't," he says. His voice doesn't really come out right, though.

"We'll wait for you," Cecil says. He's leaning into the gap between the front seats.

"I want to tell you," Will says, because it's probably the easiest place to start.

"But you can't?" Lou Ellen's voice is soft.

Will shakes his head. "I have to. I can't-"

He's taking too long. All of a sudden, he just wants it to be over. He wants it to be out.

 _He_ wants to be out.

So he opens his mouth to talk, and the words are there in his stomach.

But they're not coming up. His throat is dry.

And his hands are stealing all his energy, wringing in front of him.

He's not looking at Lou Ellen or Cecil. It would help, but his neck is stuck.

In fact, everything is stuck. He can't move.

His hands still.

"I'm gay," he says.

And for a few seconds, the silence takes over everything.

Then, Lou Ellen says, "Oh. Okay."

And Cecil says nothing.

"Are you surprised?" Will asks.

Lou Ellen says, "No." Cecil says nothing.

Will says. "You're not?"

"Do you want me to be?"

Will pauses. "No. I don't know."

Silence.

"Cecil, please say something," Will whispers.

And Cecil says, "I don't know-" And then he starts again. "I'm kind of surprised."

Will nods.

"I feel really bad. Guilty." Cecil is blushing.

"Why?" Will can't think of any reason why Cecil would feel bad.

"Well- all those things." He shrugs. "I've said some things. Like. Jokes. About gay people. And all this time, you've been there. And you just sat through it all. Oh my god, I'm such an awful person. You just- you pick stuff up from the other foster kids. And it just slips out. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Will, I-"

"Cecil," Lou Ellen says, because Will can't find any words right now. "Don't make this about you."

"I've never seen you as - as homophobic," Will says. "It honestly didn't even cross my mind."

Cecil says, "Still. I shouldn't have said any of it."

"We'll make a deal," Will says. "You don't say any of that stuff again, and I'll forgive you."

For a moment, Cecil looks terrified.

"Cecil, I'm joking," Will says.

Cecil huffs out a breath.

There's a few moments of silence, but it's so full of everything that's just been said that Will can't seem to find it uncomfortable.

"Lou Ellen, can you start the car again?" Will asks.

She does.

"I feel really strange," he says. "Like my thoughts are naked."

And then he bursts out laughing with the absurdity of what he just said.

So the others laugh as well.

Will kind of feels like he's floating.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day at school is possibly the weirdest Will's ever felt.

He thinks _the day after_ should be an emotion. Because that's what it is. It's a feeling. Naked and alive and completely, utterly weightless.

He's kind of glad Lou Ellen and Cecil don't bring it up much. He needs time to think.

After school, Lou Ellen is waiting by his bike.

"Were we the first people you told?" she asks.

Will nods on instinct, not even thinking about the other people who know.

Although, he thinks, he's right, because he never actually told Drew. She told herself.

And Angel... It didn't feel like coming out to him.

"Also," Lou Ellen says. "Although don't feel like you have to answer this. But: is there someone? Like, are you in love or anything?"

"Um." Will doesn't really know what to say.

Lou Ellen grins. "Say no more. I know what that look means." She winks, and leaves him standing next to his bike, feeling weirdly good.

 

* * *

 

 

_To Angel,_

_Big news!! I came out to two of my friends yesterday!_

_Honestly, I still feel a little bit high. Beware of the day after, it's a strange place to be._

_It's not like anything I've ever been through before. It's a nice feeling, I think. I think the long term effects are better than the short term effects._

_I think I have you to thank for all of this. Without you, Angel, I don't think I'd be strong enough to come out to anyone yet. Thank you times a million._

_Love, Sunshine._

 

_To Sunshine,_

_I'm so proud of you! I'm glad it all went well._

_And thanks for warning me about the day after. I'm sure it's worth it, in the long run._

_You've given me strength, too, Sunshine. I'm not sure yet, but I think I might come out to my older sister soon. Before she leaves for university again._

_I might tell her and my younger sister at the same time. Would you say it's easier with one or two people?_

_It's daunting, but I feel a million times better knowing you've done it too._

_(I'm not sure if that's cowardly, falling onto you to push me up. I'm not going to think about it right now. Thanks for holding me up, though.)_

_Love, Angel_


End file.
